The Science Project

Dear Teacher,

Please accept this apology
For why my science project's late,
I hate to use clichés you see,
But my excuse begins with "my dog ate".

I had my project set to go,
When Fido leaped up from his blanket,
Before I could scream out "Fido, no!",
The bloody dog had gone and drank it.

I embraced this unusual external force,
And with scientific curiosity,
I waited for nature to take its course,
And I collected a sample of Fido's wee.

The cloudy liquid looked quite weird,
But I felt the results would be bitchin',
So I took my petri dish and smeared,
Then popped it in the mini LHC in the kitchen.

When the process had completed,
The LHC came to a stop,
I thought that I had been defeated,
Until I heard a tiny pop.

So I got myself a microscope,
The best a student could afford,
I secured a camera with some rope,
Crossed my fingers and pressed record.

I left my project for a week,
Which is why it's woefully late,
But what I've found is quite unique,
And you'll agree was worth the wait.

I made stars and planets and galaxies,
A tiny little Universe!
The thing you've really got to see,
Is a funny planet that's called Earth.

Crazy to think that just by chance,
Life evolved with millions of creatures,
But the one that's worth a second glance,
Is a species called Humans with quirky features.

They're reasonably intelligent from what I've seen,
But some are obsessed with the super natural,
There must be a defective gene,
That makes so many ignore the factual.

Most clever ones that read and write,
Do not seem afflicted with this curse,
The rest of them just seem to fight,
About which deity's best or worst.

I wish I could give them a sign,
Bestow upon Mankind the fact,
That their creation was not divine,
But a chance encounter with Fido's urinary tract.

I must admit I was quite amused,
With a funny little book they'd written,
But it seems that some humans have abused,
Other humans understanding of fact and fiction.

After about a day or two,
I realised that this deity,
Wasn't just a story believed by few,
It was their explanation of the existence of me!

That they assumed my omniscience,
Made me feel so very sad,
I don't have the time to care or judge,
Their actions to be good or bad.

What would make them think I care,
If they're sleeping with their brother's wife?
I don't give two hoots if they pray or swear,
I can't be arsed with their loves and lives!

Has it never occurred to these people,
That this magic creator seems quite lazy?
No number of buildings topped with steeples,
Makes any of their stories seem less crazy.

Why would I go and create this life,
Then leave it and never interfere?
Just leave them to their own device,
On that funny rocky, watery sphere?

If I'd looked at all the evidence,
They have on the interest of their creator,
I'd conclude unbelievable indifference,
Then go and search for an answer that's greater.

But that's the really funny bit,
About this evidently intelligent race,
They fill the knowledge gaps with magic,
And ignore the evidence in their face.

Anyway, I've gone and rambled,
About why my science project's tardy,
When you're done, I'll take a gamble,
And keep some humans; they're pretty hardy!

But I only want the inquisitive types,
The ones who exercised great defiance,
In the face of lazy religious hype,
And pursued the truth by using science.

It's got a certain irony,
That the only ones I'll take the distance,
Refused to believe in a creator like me,
And sought a better reason for their existence.

Teacher, I can't wait for you to see my paper,
I think you'll agree my findings odd,
A tiny Universe!  What a caper!
Yours in anticipation,
God