Domestic Bliss

Darling,
You're the love of my life,
If I believed in marriage
We'd be husband and wife,
I've said it so many times before,
Please don't leave your pants on the floor.
It's not much to ask is it?
To put your grundies in the basket,
Tripping over them in my heels
Could land me in a casket.
You hide the bill for Pay-Per-View,
So please tidy up your Y-fronts too.

Sweetheart,
You're the reason I wake,
The twinkle in my eyes,
The cream upon my cake,
But I think it's just a little rude,
Not to brush up when you trim your pubes.
If you're not in a rush,
Just get a dustpan and brush,
Then put them down the toilet
And give it a flush.
I appreciate you keeping it neat,
But I don't like them stuck to my bare feet.

Pumpkin,
You're my shining star,
I feel you're always with me,
If you're close or you're afar,
But it really makes me want to flip,
When you clean your ears with my Kirby grips.
Let's face facts,
It makes me want to grab an axe,
When I'm trying to do a hair style
With clips full of your ear wax.
Hygiene is as vital as blood,
But next time use a cotton bud.

Baby,
You're the beach to my sea,
You've truly changed my life,
Just like asparagus changes wee,
But I think we're going to have to bicker,
If you continue to borrow my knickers.
It's fun at home, in the car,
Or out to a bar,
But wearing them to play football
Is just a little bizarre.
And you're truly on another planet,
If you think I'm going to call you Janet.